Now what?


I am single. I am 29(ish). Most girls my age are chomping at the bit to get married, buy a house, and start pushing out babies. I, however, am perfectly content to eat Ramen noodles and have a movie marathon with friends. While I would love to fall in love and have a partner in crime, the thing is: I don’t want kids. There. I admit it. The thought of being stuck in a house with a screaming baby makes me want to curl up in the fetal position with my hands over my ears. I don’t like playgrounds. I hate poop. Kids demand all of you. All. The. Time.  Thanks but no thanks.

I think other people’s kids are adorable and hilarious, but I have NEVER had the Mommy Urge. I am super loving and nurturing in other ways, but I just don’t see myself as anyone’s mom. Blecchh. The exception would be adopting or fostering a child who is already here but doesn’t have anyone to love them or protect them. I could see myself doing that.

I have friends who have children and they love being mothers. I am happy for them and most of the time I forgive them for DROPPING OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. It’s life. I get it. Every 6 months or so I forget who I am and think that a nice, quiet life and a family could be lovely. Then I remember all the cool things I want to do in my life and having someone suck the life out of my breasts seems like a terrible idea.

God has given me good friends, the gifts of creativity and conviction, and a vision of a life outside the status quo. I want to use my time differently. In the same way I have never wanted a desk job, I know that I would be unsatisfied packing lunches for a bunch of short people everyday. I want to travel, and to experience all that I can. I want to meet people and impact lives for the better.

It’s scary to think like this. Part of me is scared that I will end up old with no one to take care of me. That’s a possibility, I guess. The other part of me still knows I could meet “the one” any day now and have a two person family. If that doesn’t happen (because I am picky and get cold feet or I date men that I’m super into but I know that it won’t work because of xyz ),  if I am living out my God- centered life, I trust that he will surround me with amazing people in each chapter of my story. I’m not going to have kids out of fear of being alone. I’m going to trust my gut and trust my God. I’m going to hope that I can meet an amazing man who wants to do life a little differently with me. I’m going to do whatever I can to make this life count.

Moms, Dads, you are amazing and I so admire your hearts in raising your little ones. I know there are certain things I may miss out on if I don’t have kids. Like lice. Kidding.
P.S. Who wants me to babysit?
P.P.S. As a woman I reserve the right to change my mind whenever, wherever, we’re meant to be together.


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