Has anyone ever asked you the question, “If you were a millionaire and never had to work again, what would you do?” Whatever you answered: “Fixing cars,” or “Starting a non-profit to help underprivileged carrot farmers,” or “Lay on a yacht all day drinking champagne,” was supposed to be your true calling.
A few months ago I co-lead a book club for our Juice Plus crew on “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. One chapter in particular caught my attention and wouldn’t let go. James states in Chapter 18:
“The secret to maximizing your odds of success is to choose the right field of competition…you want to play a game where the odds are in your favor…The key is to direct your effort toward areas that both excite you and match your natural skills, to align your ambition with your ability.”
This truth grabbed hold of me and started messing with me. We only get one life. Was I spending my time focusing in a place I could actually find success and fulfillment? If what I was currently doing wasn’t it, then what was?
My amazing friends with JP have a saying about “pushing past fear” because beautiful things await you on the other side. For quite awhile I thought it was just fear holding me back: mainly the fear of losing friends because I was that girl who was trying to sell them something. I thought I just needed to get over my *darn* self (title of a network marketing book). I ignored the annoying little voice in my head telling me that maybe, as Stephen Covey says, my ladder was up against the wrong building.
First of all, fear does play a part in what has held me back. I actually am quite sure I have had low to medium anxiety for most of my life but I never knew to call it that (apparently this is Angela’s Year of Revelations). Looking closer, though, there’s no better explanation for the KOD (knot of dread) in my stomach when I have to do uncomfortable things (like leave a Facebook messenger voice message for someone I haven’t talked to in years because maybe they need better nutrition) or when I think people are disappointed in me or when I have to park downtown?!. Maybe it lends clarity to why I grab my husband’s arm in abject terror every time he’s driving and gets too close to the car in front of us. Fun times.
Ok, ok, I digress.
However, I think mostly my heart hasn’t been in it. Amazing product (our family’s health is SO much better), great compensation plan, wonderful, supportive team, and then there’s me: the girl who would rather be listening to YouTube videos on Biblical truth and decluttering. Womp womp.
So anyway, those words in Atomic Habits grabbed hold of me and wouldn’t leave me alone. Where did my passion and giftings collide?
Hello there. Welcome to my blog.
I am much better on paper. I mean that both ways, but I can express myself without getting nervous or losing my train of thought so much better through writing. And I believe God has given me a decent understanding of his word and character (although I know some may disagree, and that’s ok). Plus I get to throw in some well-placed dad jokes, which everyone needs.
There are many worthwhile callings out there. Here’s a beautiful and hard truth: (Repeat after me)
Just because it’s a good thing doesn’t mean it’s my thing.
God made me one way and you another. You have strengths I can only dream of, but there are enough blessings to go around and I can let go and be successful in the way God has gifted me! Isn’t that freeing?
So does that mean writing is easy for me? In some ways, yes. It is enjoyable and I definitely get lost in “flow.” In other ways it’s just as hard as anything else. I still get anxious when I post, because I know there are people who vehemently disagree with me. I worry my thoughts aren’t cohesive enough; my point not quite as poignant as I hoped; my calling something I’ve fabricated in my mind.
That’s when I tell the lies “Silencio, Bruno!” Also, please watch the Disney movie Luca because it’s super cute.
This fear is worth pushing past because I love writing and it’s where God has called me. I care too much about being faithful to him and too much about the people reading to give in to my insecurities. I would do it for free. Actually, I do do it for free.
And that’s how you know.