Dear Channing Tatum

Hey. It’s Angela. I was just writing to see if maybe you have a twin brother. I would obviously prefer identical. If you guys are fraternal, I’m guessing with your genes he’s probably still handsome, but send a picture just in case.

Here’s what you can tell him about me. I am 29, I’m somewhere in between “curvy” and “more to love” but I have a nice, proportionate figure. I have long dark hair, green eyes, and a pretty smile. I am a smart cookie and I want to be a writer but waitressing is what pays my bills. I  know many of you actors wait tables or bartend ’til you get your big break, as well, so play up the writer part for me. I am a Christian. Because of that, I unfortunately will be saving some of my talents until after the ring is firmly in place. Wedding ring. Not engagement. I love anything fun and am always up for adventure, but I am also responsible and drama-free.

Chan, here’s what I am looking for. A man as beautifully sculpted as you are (this is why I came to you first) who loves God. He needs to have integrity, a great sense of humor, and a passion to make a difference in the world. The man I’m waiting for values family and respects the sanctity of marriage. He should have a fully operational drivers license, a full-time job, a house in which his parents do not live, a basic knowledge of car and home repair/maintenance, and a love of 90’s-2000’s hip-hop and R&B. If your twin happens to somehow be black, let’s just say I would be pleasantly surprised.

Ok, that’s about it. I hope this wasn’t weird. I am enclosing a picture of myself so you can show your brother (if you don’t have one feel free to pass this note along to whatever church all the single hot Hollywood men go to). Thanks for taking the time to read this. I have loved you (as a friend) since Step Up and oh my gosh The Vow. I have to say Magic Mike was a poor decision, but hey, we all make mistakes. 

Your fan/future sister-in-law,



P.S. I’m lying about being 29 but everything else is true

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Deb Mills says:

    Love this. What if his brother is taking care of a widowed mom? That would be o.k., right?


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