I felt completely discouraged.
The Bible study Heather and I had been leading together was a flop. We had been so excited to provide a place for women from our job to come and learn about Jesus, but attendance was sporadic at best and it usually ended up being just us and our friend Tiffany, who was already a strong believer.
The few other girls who came seemed to enjoy it, but then would be absent three weeks in a row. I wondered if I had been misled in thinking God wanted me to lead this group. It had seemed so right, and everything had fallen into place when my new coworker Heather and I discovered that we had Jesus in common and she wholeheartedly jumped into lead with me, even providing her house and yummy Dunkin Donuts coffee and gourmet snacks every week!
So why wasn’t it going how we’d thought?
I remember one Tuesday at the end of the work day. Two of the girls had just let me know that, once again, they wouldn’t be able to make it to Bible study that night. I was mad: with them, with God, and with myself. I told God that I guessed he didn’t want me to do this and that I wasn’t a good teacher. I was ready to give up. I had a huge pity party for myself and I cried when I got in the car. If Beck’s “Loser” song had played at that moment, it would have completed my funk.
The next day I got an email, telling me I had been randomly selected out of hundreds of entries and I’d won a two-hundred dollar leader kit for the Beth Moore Bible study of “Esther.” I’d forgotten I’d even entered the drawing.
I believe God saw my despair and beyond a doubt let me know that I was fit to lead. Not because I’m great at it, but because my heart was in the right place and that’s all he needs to use us.
We continued our Tuesday nights, and we had a good core group that attended almost every week as we went through our video series. Some of my fondest memories happened in that cozy living room with those girls, and I’m grateful that God showed up and encouraged us to keep going.
Prayer: For God to encourage people in their ministry, no matter how big or small.
*Complete, total, miraculous healing for my friend J.