I’ve always found comfort in running. Not physically, obvs, because people that love actual running are straight up crazy. I will never understand. Never.
In my laughably terrible dating life, I have historically gravitated towards the…less desirable, shall we say. There has definitely been some “I don’t deserve a good man” garbage taking up space in my head for WAY too long, and so I have wasted time (SO MUCH TIME!) with men who don’t know how to treat a woman or even, say, what the Holocaust is (true story). Because I didn’t think I was worthy of more, I have allowed so much negative, hurtful, messed up stuff in my life by letting the wrong people have access to my time and my heart. I actually would run from the nice guys who tried to date me because I knew it wouldn’t work out. Sad, right?
The more I walk in obedience to God and spend time focusing on BECOMING the woman I am meant to be rather than LOOKING for someone else to complete me, the more I know deep within that I am deserving of a good man: a best friend, a kind soul, and a giving heart because I am able to return that kind of love. I don’t think I was in that place even a year ago, but here I am.
Maybe I will still end up single, but I know that I will not settle for someone who doesn’t love God with his whole heart: not just a mental belief in some vague old man in the sky but a living, thriving, wrestling relationship with his Creator. I want to worship with my husband; to have him pray over me when things are rough, to have joy together in the midst of the trials that surely lie ahead.
Whatever is to come, I find joy in the purpose God has for me now. I delight in becoming a woman who has passion and purpose; a woman who seeks God first and desires to love others well. I could be with someone just to be with someone (and have, trust me) but that would be trading God’s great plans for me for a cheap imitation. I choose His way and I know He will not fail me. Whether I end up single or married, it will be where God has me for his glory and my good, and it will be amazing!
This is written in a spirit of joyful self-revelation. Sometimes it feels like God isn’t doing much in your life, but then you look and see how far he has brought you from where you used to be. That’s me today.
P.S. I may or may not have a date coming up soon and may or may not be very excited